Words of Affirmation
I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!
Does anybody remember “Stuart Smalley”… the self-affirmation guru that, just a few years ago, was the mocking face of the rise of insincerity being promoted for the cause of ‘therapeutic individualism’?
In a shocking, and nearly prophetic, turn of events, we now live in Stuart’s world surrounded by the incessant need of depraved and destitute souls for endless affirmation just to live from day to day. This has caused an avalanche of false affirmation, ‘everybody gets a trophy’ culture that is ripe for the devil’s pickin’.
Psalms 12:1-4 NLT
Help, O LORD, for the godly are fast disappearing! The faithful have vanished from the earth!
Neighbors lie to each other, speaking with flattering lips and deceitful hearts.
May the LORD cut off their flattering lips and silence their boastful tongues.
They say, “We will lie to our hearts’ content. Our lips are our own—who can stop us?”
In the ever-evolving landscape of our modern society, we find ourselves entrenched in a culture that constantly seeks to validate our worth through false affirmation. People seek, with the veracity of a drug addict for their next fix, the words of ‘affirmation’ they so desperately need. As Christians, it is our responsibility to navigate this treacherous terrain with grace and wisdom, guided by the Spirit of God and not some soul deficiency. Believers should be the stalwarts of truth, bearing true witness to people in love without fear of emotional backlash. The concept of therapeutic individualism, which emphasizes the importance of personal well-being and exalted self-expression, has seeped into the very fabric of our culture, leaving many of us grasping for an expression of sincerity and authenticity. However, through our steadfast commitment to disciplining (discipling) others into the image of Jesus Christ, we can find true solace and affirmation, as we strive to live a life that is both authentic and God-honoring.
Proverbs 26:28 BSB
A lying tongue hates those it crushes, and a flattering mouth causes ruin.
The current societal results that have been produced should cause us to awaken and repent. On Monday, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) set out new “rules” (unconstitutional laws that have not been passed by Congress) that command employers to use employees’ preferred pronouns and allow employees to use the bathroom of their gender identity, or else be held liable for “harassment.” We have created a world where you and I could be ‘forced’ by the power of law to ‘affirm’ a false identity verbally and physically by allowing these predators into the bathrooms and locker rooms of our innocent little girls to be traumatized in the name of woke progress. If that puts petroleum on your fire of righteous indignation… good! It should! BUT… an equally destructive, but more insidious, snake is slithering through the smoke machine-filled carpet of American church-i-anity.
We have devolved as a people to the point where ministers and ministry, in general, are required to change into an affirmation factory churning out platitudes and flattery because the people demand it… loudly. In addition, so few ministers and believers are internally secure enough that they can resist those self-centered shrieks. Parents cannot tell their children the truth or require accountability standards for fear that their fragile, porcelain-doll children will start a Tik-Tok channel where they tell the world how much trauma their parents inflicted upon them because they did not buy them the white pony and only instead got them the wretched brown pony. The horror!
We cannot call sin as sin, a boy as a boy, and most definitely cannot call fat as fat, today.
We have created a culture where Absalom can easily rise to power.
Absalom, the third son of King David and Maacah, was a charismatic and ambitious individual. He exploited his father’s popularity and influence to gain support from the people of Israel. Absalom began by currying favor with the populace, offering to hear their grievances and promising to address their concerns… because “Doggone it! They are important!” He would stand by the city gate, where people would come to seek justice, and assure them that if HE were appointed judge, HE would ensure their cases were fairly heard. HE would tell them what they wanted to hear, and it skyrocketed his social media following.
2 Samuel 15:3-6 ESV
Absalom would say to him, “See, your claims are good and right, but there is no man designated by the king to hear you.” Then Absalom would say, “Oh that I were judge in the land! Then every man with a dispute or cause might come to me, and I would give him justice.” And whenever a man came near to pay homage to him, he would put out his hand and take hold of him and kiss him. Thus Absalom did to all of Israel who came to the king for judgment. So Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel.
Over the course of four years, Absalom’s flattering words and false affirmations won him the hearts of many Israelites. He used his charm and cunning to turn the people against his father, King David and eventually staged a rebellion. Absalom declared himself king in Hebron, and his popularity swelled as more people joined his cause. This led to a bloody and devastating civil war that claimed the lives of tens of thousands.
The dynamic of our flattery-seeking, affirmation-needy version of Christianity has set the stage for a rebellion against our King, the messiah, the real Son of David. We, as the remnant and resolved people of the True King, must reclaim the requirements of a healthy and prospering soul that eschews falsity, flattery, and insincere affirmation. If we are determined to do this hard thing, we can rescue our neighbors from the trappings of those with evil intentions.
Proverbs 7 ESV (varied verses)
For at the window of my house I have looked out through my lattice, and I have seen among the simple, I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense, passing along the street near her corner…
And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart.
She seizes him and kisses him, and with bold face she says to him, “I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows; so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you.”
With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him.
All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life.
A harlot loves people. A harlot affirms people. A harlot has flattering words. A harlot will tell you what you want to hear. But, a harlot does these things with ungodly intentions. Yet, it works… every day… all over the world. This same trickery is at work in the hearts of God’s people today being incentivized by our me-istic, self-important, I-centric version of spirituality.
I do not know where each of you stands on this topic, honestly. But, I know where I stand. I want to live in a covenantal community, free from ear-tickling, false affirmations and the need for it. I want to do life with people who tell me they love me in action, not in words. I want to be a part of a true Kingdom culture, when an affirmation is given, it is real, and sincere, and true, and earned. I want to be discipled by godly correction and godly affirmation. I want my identity to come from and only be affected by the power of truth.
When insincere affirmations become normal, then true affirmation is ineffective. Affirmation has become diluted to the point of near uselessness today.
John 17:17 BSB
Sanctify them by the truth; Your word is truth.
The word ‘sanctify’ means, ‘to make holy’. To be ‘holy’ means that you are, ‘set apart for divine purposes’. When we are set apart for divine purposes, then carnal and temporal things are of little value. Facebook likes, pronoun usage, trophies, promotions, feel-good consolations, hollow words, political pandering, and profile-pic smiles are antithetical to the eternal Kingdom and its ways. Let my words be true…
Ephesians 4:14-15 BSB
Then we will no longer be infants, tossed about by the waves and carried around by every wind of teaching and by the clever cunning of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Christ Himself, who is the head.
The opposite of being ‘cleverly cunned’ and ‘deceitfully schemed’ is living in an environment where the truth is spoken in love. Remember that many times before the truth can make you free (John 8:32), it will make you really mad first. That is just how the process goes. If there is no love, the truth becomes a hammer that smashes its hearer. If there is no truth, love becomes a harlot’s seduction. Balance is necessary because imbalance is deadly.
Beloved, this is a part of our Kingdom culture that I value highly. But, we cannot have it if we are not all equally committed and resolved to submit to it. We either do this together as a community or we conform to the ways of the world where the rules are made up and the points don’t matter.
These are hard things to hear and even harder things to implement. But, I know the kind of heroes that call themselves The Beloved.
In sincere love,
Steve
